Am I Making a Difference?
In Th Eyes of My Children
Image by A.M. Evans ©
“A hundred years from now it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.” ~ Forest E. Witcraft
”You’ve done well with your children”...
I often hear that from friends and family members. Sometimes I wonder, “Have I?...Really?” I was a doting mom, for sure. I was also a type A, overachiever, perfectionist, “I’ve got this under control” mom. A soccer mom. A martial arts mom. A gymnast mom. A diver mom. A relay mom.
A controlling mom. A. Controlling. Mom. A white-knuckled-fist-control-their-lives mom.
Looking back, I think I never had real control. They grew up into better individuals than I have imagined. They continue to stand their ground. They call out my bullshit. They chose successful lives different from my expectations. They made the life that is theirs. Not mine. Never mine.
Image by A.M. Evans ©
I see that in how my daughter acts now that she’s home from college. I see it in how my son deviated from my expectations. Yet they grew up as productive and intelligent young adults.
I never had control. But I was important. They saw my struggles. They saw my dedication. They saw how I dealt with life. They saw how I worked to make the world a better place. They remember all the memories of all the times we ( my husband and I) have given them the chance to explore by themselves, from the trails of the Appalachian, to the Red Bus rides across London, to the Metro in Paris. They learned how to take risks as they hike up the mountains, jump on cliffs and falls, and fall from whitewater rafts. They continue to learn from my own struggles and how I deal with my own loss and defeat during this difficult time.
They are also aware that whatever happens, we were there, right behind them. To cheer them on. To give them a pat on the back. To a big hug at the finish line. Our prayers go out to them, always. We were always there to guide and support.
To guide and support. That’s all we could do as they go through their own successes and wins..loss and defeats, and with how they are coping with the bigger issues the world has put on our shoulders. On our children’s shoulders.
In this difficult time we are in, they know that we stand together, as parents, or parent-to-child (young adult), or as siblings. They are learning to cope. We are learning to let them learn…at a safe distance, knowing that we have each other’s back. And for that, I am grateful.
Yes. We were important. We mattered. I was important. I mattered.
Image by A.M. Evans ©
“...Of all that I’ve done wrong I must have done something right...” ~ Bob Carlisle/Butterfly Kisses
