That Sucker Punch
When Life Keeps on Throwing Punches
"The world isn't all sunshine and rainbows, it'll beat you down if you let it and nothing hits harder than life." ~ Rocky
Life has been hitting me hard for almost a year now. I got the worst sucker punch when I was hospitalized (again) in July and had two eye surgeries. So okay, I was in the hospital, thinking I can use this time to think about my life plans. Three months max and I should be back on my feet and start working on career paths.
Ha! WRONG!
Life kept on throwing punches at me, physically, emotionally, and mentally. Just when I thought I was strong enough to maybe get back to at least start working on my new endeavors, here comes another punch, and another, and yet…another.
As I write this, I just got home from walking a mile for 42 minutes. One mile! 42 minutes. Less than an average stride. Technically, I wasn’t even “walking”! That’s how physically deconditioned I am.
When Life throws punches at you, it feels like there is only so much you can do but cower in your bed to deflect the punches and recuperate (for the nth time) and feel sorry for yourself, right? Nah! WRONG AGAIN! There are things we can do to mend our bodies and improve our mental health. I’m not talking about binging on Netflix or surfing social media, but something that can contribute to healing.
KEEP ON MOVING
Being in healthcare for 3 decades, I know I have to try to be active at home– going up and down the stairs to get to the kitchen, get my food and drinks and back to my bed. I try to do it as often as possible just barely making the required “physical activity”– according to the Physical Activity Pyramid by Georgia State University. I am so blessed with an awesome husband who is patient enough to walk with me 3-5x/week. That is if I am feeling good, and feeling good for me is having to walk as straight as I can even if I am dizzy and short of breath. Small goals. Small triumphs.
KEEP ON LEARNING
Sometimes, even just with crackers and Gatorade and having to move really slowly so I don’t faint, I have my books and computer or iPad if I can’t even sit up straight in bed. But every day, I try to learn something from my workshops and practice my tricks of the trade. I still feel unproductive every now and then but I keep on telling myself, I am slowly engaging to have the work lifestyle that I am envisioning.
KEEP ON WRITING
Keep on journaling and working on your passion. Writing is good for the soul. Somehow, someday, someone will read what I’m going through and how I survived and maybe give them a sliver of hope.
KEEP ON REFLECTING
The need to move to keep your cardiovascular health does not mean you stop to do meditation, prayers, reflections, yoga, etc. According to the American Osteopathic Association, “maintaining a regular yoga practice can provide physical and mental health benefits.” Because of my condition, however, I cannot do yoga inversions, my activities are restricted to silent prayers/meditations and relaxation Kundalini yoga. I love listening to Marconi Union’s Weightless***Disclaimer***If your faith or beliefs and/or religion do not resonate with my practice, you do not have to pursue such activities. Please know I do respect your beliefs and practice.
KEEP ON BREATHING
Deep breaths. We have all watched, heard, read about the benefits of Deep Breathing. It helps slow down my restless mind– that mind that keeps on running in circles of what if’s, how’s and why’s. The mind that keeps on racing 100 mph that keeps you exhausted with living? That one. So I keep on reaching and grabbing to steady my handhold and leg stance. Slow down and take deep breaths. You’ll eventually feel on steady ground.
KEEP ON REACHING OUT
This one is still difficult for this Myers-Briggs INFJ. However, I have my tribe and my husband to talk to when life gets unbearable. And they do get unbearable most of the time. But I keep on reaching out. Even on social media. There are communities on Facebook where people encourage each other.
I am grateful and blessed with friends and family for support. I have an awesome spouse who knows when to do things for me and when to hold back so I can do things for myself.
To those who think they have no support, please know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! There are numbers you can call for prayers. Silent Unity is one. Call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 And please, I do beg you, call 911 if you feel like hurting yourself or others.
Or call me. Comment on my post and I will respond the best I could. Reach out.
KEEP YOUR BOUNDARIES
I always am aware of my small circle and with whom I share my feelings and experience as well. Please don’t get me wrong. But with very little energy to be had, I feel the need to triage what’s coming and going.
KEEP ON LAUGHING
According to the Mayo Clinic, “Laughter is the best form of stress relief”. It also offers multiple mental and physical health benefits.
Again. INFJ. I was born a pessimist. I don’t see the glass half full, I see it all drained out. But I find the time to at the very least find funny memes online, or send funny posts to my friends.
I choose to enjoy life. If only life lets me.
KEEP ON LOVING
When my daughter was in college, she once reached out to me, a bit overwhelmed with her homework while she prepares for final exams. I told her I have so much going on that I couldn’t help. I know they have to learn to be independent and learn from their mistakes, but I also heard the despair in her tone. There goes codependency. I took it as an exception to the rule. So we were up on the phone till midnight on a Wednesday night tackling her homework. Every once in a while, even with a tired body and soul, I make sure that my kids know that even from afar, we are within reach to guide and support.
With my physical condition, it’s also difficult to volunteer. But I send love anyway, by giving even the tiniest donation to organizations of my choice.
Self-love is also essential. This week I have learned to literally walk away from things that do not serve me… at this time. My husband and I were in the hotel on Thursday night for a Friday full-day workshop. My mental health was on overdrive, affecting my physical health. Early morning Friday, I walked out of the hotel at 5 in the morning and headed home. There will be more opportunities because again, there’s only so much energy I can give and receive.
KEEP ON LIVING
…with the best I know how. This body is still fragile. Sometimes I feel myself tremble in weakness. Sometimes my chest feels heavy with anxiety. Sometimes I just really wanna be left alone in bed. But holding on to negative feelings does not do anything but harm me, and prevent me from living a full life. But I keep on fighting. Baby steps. Not even a stride. Knowing that healing and progress is just around the corner. Just keep on keeping on. Keep on persisting.
Nature helps. Just getting out to our bedroom patio upstairs, to feel the cool wind on my face, to see the beautiful sunset, and to listen to the leaves as they sway on the tree branches help me mend. Standing barefoot on the grass grounds me.
BUT SOMETIMES LIFE KEEPS ON PUNCHING
Keep faith. Sometimes we have to go through the darkness to find the answers. To rediscover your light. To find your power. To keep on going.
I‘m still waiting for that sunshine to at least peep out of the clouds. Slowly. Surely.
So Dear Life, bring it on. I remain steadfast. I’m embracing my inner warrior. I want my power back. I want my life back. This is my game-changer.
'Cause I've still got a lot of fight left in me’ ~ Rachel Platten... and ME.
Originally Posted December 9, 2019
